Vampire’s Guide

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TO THE CARE & MAINTENANCE OF A HUMAN BEING

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by

Edward A. Cullen

I. Outline
II. Contents

55 Responses to Vampire’s Guide

  1. :) says:

    I am currently reading Twilight the missing pieces and I’m in love! Thank you so much! I’m still obsessed and I need this lol ill be reading the others

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  2. Morgan Smith says:

    I’ve read everything and now I’m sad again…especially about rose and the boy, I wish it hadn’t ended on a sad note…I only tolerated Rosalie for the most part but I wish she could have a chance to adopt a baby, raise it knowing it’s family are vampires and be changed when it comes of age. That would have been a better ending. Now they’re all split up and I don’t like that. I think Edward and Bella should move with the rest of the family especially since they are supposed to be dead. And just visit renesmee and sarabel frequently and vice versa. They have their own lives, they don’t have to live in the same state….I like all the cullens together under one roof…don’t take this as me not liking everything you wrote because I LOVED everything ESPECIALLY Edwards point of view of the the original books and the much needed sex scenes! The diary was awesome, loved reading about life after breaking dawn and so was the twenty years on, I just would have preferred things turn out differently in that one. I also wish there was some way to keep Renee in their lives, I think she could have handled it, they didn’t give her much credit..anyway great job expanding my twilight obsession! Now I want more, set in the future! lol

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    • PA Lassiter says:

      Hi Morgan,
      I feel your pain! πŸ˜‰ I never set out to give Rosalie or Renee a bad ending. The stories kind of wrote themselves the way they did based on the basic character traits associated with the characters that Stephenie Meyer wrote. Renee maybe could have handled the vampire world, but Bella was so much in fear for her mother not being circumspect enough to keep out of the way of the Volturi, which is what ultimately determined Renee’s fate in being separated from Bella forever in the stories here. As for Rosalie, one of the problems with being a vampire is that one’s personality becomes hardened at the time of one’s death. We know Rosalie changed a little bit, but I almost felt it would be untrue to Stephenie Meyer’s character to give Rosalie a happy ending with a child. If I were to keep going with the stories, I might attempt to change her future, though, because I, too, have some soft feelings for Rosalie as a mother.

      Julie Vans and I discovered how difficult it is to project the Cullens into the future and keep all their history and world intact, so that’s why we faded away from writing more future stories. It’s incredibly difficult to keep all the data in your head for years, especially when you begin to move onto other projects. I’ll never say never, though. πŸ™‚

      Thanks so much for your comment…
      Phoebe Ann

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      • Morgan Smith says:

        Well, I do hope you continue in the future and best wishes on your independent projects! Have you seen that there may be a new movie but changing Kristen and possibly Robert! Could it even be called twilight then?? I hope it isn’t true. As much as I would LOVE another movie, that’s the wrong road to take. Anyway, I love reading about them better, you get more of their true character and mannerisms through the words. So with that being said I’ll be reading everything again. I only read the books last time, this time I read the books, the diary, twenty years on and care of a human (we are so delicate!). Once again loved every bit of it and hope to feed my craving again sometime in the future lol. Thank you for all of this!

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  3. Zarin Mesbah says:

    hey PA Lassister,
    i completed reading twilight the real books two months ago..i was then eagerly searching for midnights sun’s missing part ,then guess what..i found you.. i wonder how could u do this is such a beautiful manner..i have some questions thoigh.. How cud u make all the connection of the stories with the real books sooo clearly? r u an other part of Stephenie Meyer? omg..just like the part where edward and carlisle found out why bella was so uncoordinated while in a human form,vecause she cud be suffering froma disease… just wow..how cud u make those connections?? and guess what..i didnt even realiae at first that the books were NOT written by Stephenie Meyer.. omg.. u wrote wonderfulll….

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    • PA Lassiter says:

      Hi Zarin,
      When reading the original Twilight books, like many people, I had a lot of questions that weren’t answered. (I think not fully answering every question is part of Stephenie Meyer’s great success with the books, by the way, as it keeps a reader very engaged in the world.) The more I spent time writing about Twilight, the more answers to those questions occurred to me. So that’s how I did it. It doesn’t mean that Ms. Meyer intended any of those things, but this website contains my interpretation of her world. I also tried to mimic her writing style as well as I could, especially in Midnight Sun, Part II. I’m so glad you’ve enjoyed it. -PAL

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  4. Dishika says:

    Hey! I am a huge fan of Twilight. This book has done good to me. Reading Twilight is an obsession. I have literally read it thousands of times . This story has given me a fantasy to live . I am an young adult , often dreaming about my imaginary love life . What would be if I had someone like Edward. What would happen if vampires were true . You have really given me much to consider .
    Reading it from bella’s p.o.v and edward’s too . The most unbelievable kind of pleasure . I seriously do NOT know how to express my gratitude towards you . I might actually have been worshiping you , for all you know . 😜
    But seriously though , you are something else entirely . Stephanie Mayer had apparently stopped writing midnight sun . But to pick it up , from where it was left , and working your way with it , is awesome .
    I love you for all you’ve written . Everything you’ve written is magic . You’ve got a certain way with words . I can’t even comprehend how .
    YOU ARE THE BEST AUTHOR ……… I LOVE YOU ………YOU’RE AWESOME !!!!,😘😘😘😘😍😍😘😘😍😍😘☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️

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  5. khushi says:

    Hello Palassiter,
    My name is Khushi..I am from India and I am a huge fan of twilight.Thank you for writing this..It was a great pleasure reading this..Had a great time..I wanted to share some thing with you..My best friend name is Sarah. we are childhood friends almost like sisters. she is a great fan of yours I think you know her you replied to many of her messages or may be you don’t remember her. You have a huge fan following…Twilight was her all time favourite movie and she loved twilight books..Actually Sarah was in a relationship for 4 years but two years ago he broke-up with her…She was almost sucidal..she was so depressed…she became so silent and always stayed alone in her room. Her family was so worried about her. we tried every thing. we consulted a psychiatrist even that din’t work on her. But then she started reading your books. It was a miracle. your books worked like charm on her. She is so much better know almost back to normal. It was almost a year nobody has seen her smile or mostly talk to her. your books worked like magic.I wanted to thank you soooo much for this and giving me my sister back.Thank yo soo soo much for this. I wish there would be some way i can repay you for this ..I will always owe you for this…Thank you so much…and you know what,though she read all twilight books many times she never read that part of new moon book when edward leaves bella not even once she read that…
    I actually wanted to ask you some thing can you please tell me the publish date of your book The Snake Handler’s Daughter. I wanted to gift that book to sarah before she takes it she is quiet eagerly waiting for you book. And thank you once again..You know there is still one problem with sarah that she never stops reading your books almost 80% of her day she spends reading your books…:-) Thank you once again from all her family….:-) πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

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    • PA Lassiter says:

      Hi Kushi,
      I am deeply touched by your message. Thank you for sharing that. Twilight has had a healing effect on a lot of us, I imagine. I was struggling with depression myself when I started writing this website, and having this outlet to share with all of you helped bring me out of it, so I know exactly what you’re talking about. I never imagined it might help others get through their own struggles. I was afraid to write New Moon: Edward, in fact, because I was worried that it might make my depression come back. Instead, I think it helped me to process my own experience in a creative way. It helps to always remember that the future holds unknown good things–sometimes we just have to hold on through the painful times in order to get there.

      About my book: I’ve submitted The Snake Handler’s Daughter to a publisher for evaluation and I’m waiting to hear back right now. Unfortunately, this can be a slow process, but I hope to have news about the book in the next month or two. I will post any information I have on my blog when the time comes. I fully expect the book to be published in the next few months. I’ll let you know here on the blog (and on my Facebook page too, though I’m not very active there right now). Thank you for sharing your story. xx, Phoebe Ann

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  6. Sovelo says:

    Dear autor.
    I really LOVE you for making this guide. The idea itself is shining piece of pure perfection πŸ˜„
    I’m afraid that my laugh woke up my neigbours.))

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    • PA Lassiter says:

      Ha, ha! I’m so glad. Not many people comment on this “scholarly” paper. I had a lot of fun writing this piece, noticing and recording Edward’s surprise and confusion about the complexities of looking after Bella. Humans are so fragile! πŸ™‚ -PAL

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  7. Andreas says:

    Really enjoyed reading the twilight saga through edwards eyes….thnx a lot and keep the good work up

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  8. Cathy Michlovitch says:

    Thank you so much for bring Twilight to life again. I love it.

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  9. Ahona says:

    Hey,PAL!!! You have brought twilight to life,yo! I must admit-I’m impressed.I love it!!!

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  10. Jessica says:

    Can you write more about sarabel and her life with renesmee and Jacob? You have made the twilight series so much better and have brought it to life even more than Stephanie Meyer. Thank you!

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    • PA Lassiter says:

      Thank you, Jessica! I’ve really enjoyed expanding on Ms. Meyer’s vision. Writing about Sarabel is still on my list of topics I want to address. I’ve had to put less time into writing Twilight stories recently as I work on my own writing, but I still hope to write more about Sarabel. PAL

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      • Jessica says:

        Thank you, you have addressed a great need to us twilight fans! Maybe instead of Edwards diaries you could write an actual book about everything. But I understand that you don’t have a lot of time.

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        • PA Lassiter says:

          It’s less a problem of having time and more a problem of not owning the copyright to Twilight. Writing a new book is a tremendous amount of work (and yes, takes a lot of time), but the main point is that anything I write in the Twilight world cannot be sold. Since writing is my profession, I have to pay the rent and buy groceries, which requires me to write something not based on another writer’s world. All part of being a grownup. πŸ˜‰ I’m still glad to write whatever Twilight stories I can, as I do enjoy it. PAL

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      • Jessica says:

        Wow, I can’t believe you aren’t getting money from this! I didn’t think about the copyright. If I knew how I would send money for these fabulous books. I applaude you for being so selflessπŸ˜‰

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        • PA Lassiter says:

          Gosh, that’s super sweet of you, but not necessary. Maybe when my first book is ready (shooting for spring, 2014), you’ll want to check it out. That would be more than payment enough. πŸ™‚ Thanks for commenting. I’m glad you’re here! PAL

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      • Jessica says:

        Your welcome, I’ve just enjoyed these books so much and it’s annoying that worse written books are getting money. Good job with the honeymoon scenes πŸ˜‰. Although I would like to hear about what Alice does with those handcuffs! πŸ˜‰ Jess

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        • PA Lassiter says:

          The thing is…Alice doesn’t do anything with those cuffs. Jasper does it all and Alice doesn’t really have a choice. Ha! My own books are something different from Twilight, but I like writing sex scenes, so there will be plenty of that. πŸ™‚ PAL

          Liked by 1 person

      • Jessica says:

        And I’ll definitely check out yr new book if it’s half as good as these!

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      • Jessica says:

        Good I enjoy them πŸ˜‰ I enjoy the episode in the tree!

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      • Jessica says:

        Yes emmet is quite a joker!:-D
        I am in the middle of reading your version of new moon. So far he is in louisiana in the casino, poor edward 😦

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      • Jessica says:

        Yes. It must have been hard to write so much of the book without any guidance from Stephanie meter and still make it feel like the twilight series.
        I have a question though, how come the Cullen family are always so rich?

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        • PA Lassiter says:

          It was challenging, but fun too.

          To answer your question, why are the Cullens rich? Because they need the safety margin of having enough money to do whatever they need to do to remain hidden in the world. Plus, it’s easy for them to make money. Actually, I wrote a post on the topic. You’ll find it here: How the Cullens Make Their Money
          PAL

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      • Jessica says:

        Thanks that was really helpful. I wish I had Alice’s vision so I could bet like that.
        Who is your favourite character in the Cullen family (at the start so Carlisle, esme, emmet, Rosalie, Alice) not including Edward?
        Jessica

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        • PA Lassiter says:

          I enjoy all the characters for different reasons. Emmett is fun, Alice is a clever treasure, Esme is loving and kind, Rosalie is challenging, and Jasper is mysterious. But Carlisle is my favorite character of all of them. There’s something about his selflessness and wisdom that tug at my heart. PAL

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      • Jessica says:

        I know. Especially when (in the jacob part of breaking dawn) jacob mentions that even though sam said the treaty was void, carlisle still didn’t want to fight them, even though the wolves were trying to kill him and his family.
        I also love Alice, I love her gracefulness kindness cheerfullness, her love of fashion and the fact she is always the life of the party

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  11. Julie Vans says:

    Oh – I haven’t read this since I first found your site, I read through the books, the diary entries, and this was last during my sleepless month. It’s fab, babe.

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  12. Uma says:

    Dear PAL,
    Thank you for your informative and general understanding of the needs of the older fans of Meyer’s Twilight. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading and l am completely hooked, more PLLLLLLEASE. I can’t remember if you have thought of a complete examination of Edward’s in fact the whole Cullen family source of income. If am way out of line here, just ignore me, am just full of ideas at the moment, again THANK YOU.

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    • PA Lassiter says:

      Hi Uma,
      Not at all. Ideas are always welcome! Let’s see, so Jasper makes most of his money gambling (poker and sports betting) and in the stock market. Edward’s money comes largely from investments suggested by Alice. His starter funds were from his father’s huge inheritance, which has multiplied about twenty times since Alice showed up in the ’40s. (She considers it an insult when Edward suggests that maybe using foreknowledge in the stock market is a bit unfair for other investors.) He also owns some real estate, including his father’s beautiful downtown Chicago home. (See pictures here.)

      Alice herself is making a nice pot of money and a name for herself via her company AliceRoi Designs. She also owns lots of real estate acquired over the years, as does Esme. Esme (along with Carlisle) owns a private corporation undertaking construction projects all over the world. Much of their work these days is more philanthropic than income-generating as she spreads Carlisle’s wealth around–building bridges, roads, water-purification and sewage systems in developing nations and making communities work better for impoverished citizens in the US and abroad.

      Emmett makes his money mostly by gambling. He does a lot of sports betting and is good at it, but without the aid of Alice’s foresight, which he refuses on principle as bad sportsmanship, he’ll never be as rich as Jasper. He has invested quite a lot of money, though, in staging championship boxing matches and earns television advertising revenue from that. Rosalie is a partner in AliceRoi Designs, taking a salary and also a percentage of sales for her personal designs.

      Carlisle never thinks about money anymore, as he invested in Chicago real estate in the 1700s. He owns blocks and blocks of high-rent-district properties, all managed by a real-estate company so he can spend his time doing what he loves most–doctoring and research. He owns several patents for well-known medicines and, in fact, invested in the development of penicillin. He continues to invent and patent improvements in surgical equipment and tools.

      So there’s a brief synopsis of the Cullens’ income-generating activities. Of course, it has changed over the decades (Jasper was originally a horse-trader before Alice, for example), but each of the Cullens has had so long to acquire and build their fortunes that money isn’t ever much of a concern. Most of the management is done through agents and most of the agents are monitored through J. Jenks and his network of cronies in major cities across the US. Cheers! PAL
      p.s. Julie Vans and I still writing stories for the diary Twenty Years On.

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  13. Michelle says:

    OK, but how about that he may, or may not be actually dead dead and upon Edward’s farther investigations (from the other ledger) he discovers a yet unknown very ancient clan of vampires. One’s who make the Volturi cower in their capes? So old that they can remain hidden from even from the most powerful vampires that we know. He could have kept Alice because she “saw” who M. de la R. was. Anyway, it’s a cliff hanger for me. Edward would never just drop his pursuit of the whole truth. The scientist in him would never allow it. Like I said, there are cool places to go with this! Alice’s powers could have a connection to them as well, possibly coming from her mother who died somehow when Alice was very young. My brain is ping ponging all over with this. lol
    Your ardent admirer,
    Michelle

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    • PA Lassiter says:

      These are absolutely wonderful ideas! I highly encourage you to embark on a fanfiction adventure and pursue them. This is a world of unlimited possibilities as you are discovering. πŸ™‚ All the best, PAL

      Like

  14. Michelle says:

    Dear PAL,
    Thank you for the courtesy of writing me back and taking the effort to look into my concerns. I agree with you %100 about the “dumbing down” of what is a highly erotic character such as Edward and the lack of satisfaction a mature reader (ah hum) came away with after reading the books. Let alone the “ack” movies. I love your fearless plunge into the erotic aspect. Really I do.
    As to seeing a photo of reality and reading about it as fiction is very different. One, when reading fiction you know that you are and a good writer (such as yourself) can approach it artfully, knowing just how far to go before it’s too far and just “shock value”. Two, the reader does have control in what they are reading.
    The part of “Alice’s story” in Edwards diary that intrigued me so much was, Edwards’ crusade in finding justice for the women in his life that he loves. Let alone the fact that Alice’s’ character is fascinating and a lot of fun! I also was impressed with your ability to find interesting history, and not widely known, tidbits. I loved the “Dill Pickle Club” and it was a perfect place for Alice!
    The question I previously asked was; what was in the second file that Edward found? Also, by the nature of his character and past actions for needing to find and bring his form of fruition to the one’s who brought them harm, I needed to have the story come to a conclusion. How the story was left it seemed that that’s exactly what he was doing. Wasn’t he?
    When I said there was a lot martial for an entire other book, it was referring to Edwards investigations and hopefully a lot of flashbacks to Alice’s wild escapades!
    Wouldn’t it be cool if Edward discovered through his investigations that Alice’s creator wasn’t dead? After all, James was a sadistic liar and could have said just to cause more pain. Like I said, there’s ooodles of places to go with this!
    Thanks again, your fan and supporter,
    Michelle
    PS: WHAT WAS IN THE FILE! LOL

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    • PA Lassiter says:

      It has been a long time since I wrote Alice’s piece about the asylum and since my memory doesn’t serve me well enough to fully answer your question, I will take some time this week and review the story and remind myself where I left things.

      I’m happy that you liked the Dill Pickle Club! That piece took so much research and was quite time-consuming. I’m happy that it found an audience. Yes, I had planned more stories about Alice’s history, including her time in New York after she left Chicago, but I ran out of steam. Her background story didn’t generate many comments, so I took it that folks weren’t that enthralled with those pieces.

      It is completely in Edward’s character to exact revenge on the people who hurt Alice, if any of them are still alive. I’ll get back to you about the asylum/file question after I review the “history.” All the best, PAL
      p.s. That is an intriguing idea that Alice’s creator might not be dead. If he were still alive, I wonder why he never made himself known to Alice in all these years?

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    • PA Lassiter says:

      So, this was a interesting exercise, reminding myself of some of the stories I’ve written over the last few years. The asylum diary entry is now a year old and so many words have passed these fingers since that it was like reading someone else’s work almost. I remembered few of the details of Edward’s journey to the E. Mississippi Lunatic Asylum.

      It would seem at the end of the piece that finding that second ledger was a foreshadowing of something to come and if I were to write the piece today, I either wouldn’t have made it sound so mysterious, or I would have made it even more mysterious and then written a story about the second ledger that revealed something earth-shattering. I believe what I meant was rather straightforward, that it was simply an older book of the same nature, implying that the cruel misuse of inmates had been going on for a long time. Alice wouldn’t have appeared in earlier ledgers because she wouldn’t have been admitted yet.

      I will clarify, though, that M. de la Rochefoucauld was the name of Alice’s “friend.” Some friend, right? He was a very old French vampire from a high-born family who ended up in America working in a place where he could kill the occasional inmate without being detected as well as make extra side money. In some ways, I suppose Alice was special to him, because he did not kill her, and indeed, did finally let her go. However, during the years of their “friendship,” he also made money on her back and on the backs of other inmates (who may not all have been female, BTW). PAL

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  15. Michelle Gorman says:

    Dear PAL,
    Firstly, let me say thanks for all of the awesome work you have done and freely shared for us all. I’m enjoying reading everything. You have a great talent for story telling. It is also far more satisfying to read it from an adult level and Edward’s perspective. I’ll say it (speaking for myself) Edward’s sex appeal is the only reason I looked at these stories in the first place. The blush of youth has long fallen from the rose. I do have one thing (well, maybe two) that I need to express: I’m quite disturbed by the photo you used to illustrate bruising on the skin in Edwards care of Humans. It is clearly an evidence photo of an abused child. I really hope that you change it for something less scaring to look at. Especially for those of us that are survivors of childhood abuse, it can (and it does) bring up some painful memories that are hard to shut back out.
    My other topic, though not so serious as the last, is the part in Edwards diary about Alice’s history.
    By the way, tons of really good material for an entire book in there. But, it’s when Edward goes to investigate Alice’s past himself. You have Edward finding the evidence of the abuse that Alice went through in the hidden filing cabinet and when he’s about to leave he find a second notebook and then you don’t fill in the blanks about it. IT’S BUGGING THE HELL OUT OF ME! lol Please keep writing, I love it!

    Thanks,
    Michelle

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    • PA Lassiter says:

      Hi Michelle,
      Thank you so much for expressing your feelings. I am with you in having wanted to read Twilight from an adult perspective. Edward is 100+ years old. Despite falling in love with a mature teenager, he has a lot more depth than we get to see from Bella’s perspective. I wrote the sexual aspects of Edward’s story highly explicitly as a reaction against the “dumbing down” of his and Bella’s experiences to make them appropriate for a young adult audience. Ms. Meyer said in an interview once that Bella was supposed to get older into her twenties, but the publisher wanted to market the series for Young Adults, so she had to stunt their growth (my words, not hers) a bit to make it work. She doesn’t write explicit sex scenes as far as I know, but given the sensuality of the couple’s encounters in the Twilight series, it felt like there was a vacuum where that material should have been. (The movies made that vacuum worse, I think.) Hence, the backlash of the extremely explicit erotica featuring Bella and Edward all over the Internet. I hope my depictions are respectful and realistic, even though explicit. I love Edward and his integrity matters to me. My hat is off to Stephenie Meyer. She has, almost single-handedly, created a writing renaissance among the young and the older alike. I see no downside to that.

      Regarding the image of bruising in the “Vampire’s Guide,” let me assure you that the original picture is of an adult female (though late teenager or twenty-something) and I always read it as the result of a sensual spanking rather than abuse of a child. I went back to view the picture again, and, though I can’t find the original to share with you, I can see that how I’ve cropped it could make it appear as child abuse. I apologize for any discomfort you’ve experienced. Believe me, I am absolutely sympathetic to triggers for abuse. I’m unlikely to produce another version of the Guide, but I hope my explanation helps at least a bit.

      Regarding the diary…talk about triggers for abuse! I think writing the details of Alice’s forced prostitution would trigger lots of people, probably including me. I’m not altogether sure I could write that. Suffice it to say that it was one way some bad people made some money on the backs of the “insane.” It’s not an isolated story, I’m sad to say. Your comments are thought-provoking. Thanks so much for taking the time. Best, PAL

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  16. asunder73 says:

    With the advent of Sarabel. the hybrid (dhampire/wolf), you may have to update the Guide. LOL. At this rate, the Cullen’s may possess one of thee definitive guides on Vampire anatomy and physiology.

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    • PA Lassiter says:

      OMG, you are so right! πŸ˜‰ I can see Edward doing a whole research study on that 25th chromosome-pairing business. Sadly, he’s more of a geek than me. I haven’t joined the Gregor Mendel fan club, but isn’t there a rock group named Gregor Mendel and the Homozygous Peas? I’d totally buy their album. πŸ˜‰ PAL

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  17. palassiter says:

    With the demise of my trusty EeePC and all the files for the Vampire’s Guide, I’ve re-created the guide with the proper software. Now it’s all pretty and new with clear pictures and text, no sideways-leaning pages, and no more having to open one file per page. I hope you like it. PAL

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  18. palassiter says:

    I’m gonna get this guide up today if it kills me (and it might). You’ll notice the resolution is crummy and ETC’s printer feeds the paper all wonky, but it makes it feel kinda homey. That’s my story & I’m stickin’ to it. PAL

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